"I'm just me... and no one else!"
These words suddenly came upon me in an almost ephinany-like manner today, as I was driving back to work. This was about an hour ago... Like a busy little bee flying from flower to flower in a routine collection of nectar, I drove from work to a variety of destinations prior to heading back to the office. (Bank of America--> Home Depot--> Starbucks--> Trader Joes--> the Dairy Queen... etc.) While stopped at an intersection, awaiting a green left-turn arrow, I was listening to a rather nostalgic track from the Beastie Boyz, when my lips seemed to mouth the words above.
With each event I have encountered in my 24 years, 9 months and 22 days of life... my thoughts always seem to conjur a constant theme within it/myself... "Why am I so different? Why can't I be or look like that?... What can I do to change?" It is unfortunate... my continuous inner struggle... yes, it's an impossible fight-- competing with one's self... Wish upon wish have I made for a magickal entity to appear and release me from the strongly held prison at which all of my fears, inhibitiions and insecurities have held me at bay for so long-- like a fairy god-mother... only this time, my mind would be made clear and free from anxiety and fear with a flick of her magick wand; rather than the storybook version of a horse and carriage and glass slippers. (Although, I wouldn't mind the glass slippers!... Hey, a grrl's gotta have some shoes from time to time!)
The noise in my head had grown louder and louder with each passing second that it soon over powered the background song and lyrics from the Beastie Boyz that had from my car speakers. I felt the need to remind myself that I was still behind the wheel by focusing on the red arrow in front of me, wondering when the green arrow would appear. Then, it hit me... at that very moment, the next few seconds of my life will be determinded by this this traffic signal with its mass-produced parts.
I looked around to see that I was not alone in this feat-- there were others... in vehicles such as that of my own whose lives were at the mercy of these programmed mechanical contraptions. There was nothing that any of us could do to cause a sudden change in the traffic signals... (unless one of us was a paramedic) we all just sat there... some on the phone, some snacking on a rather late lunch, some singing along to music, and some just staring aimlessly at the signal and road before them...
"I'm not that different," I thought to myself. "Despite the many differences I have which define me from others.." My thought continued. "I'm just me... and no one else!"
